


Normality

by GibbousLunation



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Not What He Seems spoilers, Original Mystery Twins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-19 22:34:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3626784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GibbousLunation/pseuds/GibbousLunation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had been years since he’d felt so together, so complete. He’d been miserable for so long, and the kids, well they’d helped there was no arguing that, but it had never been the same. No matter what he’d done, something always felt wrong. Missing.</p><p>After all these years, god, he could breathe again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Normality

He almost couldn't believe his eyes. He'd never been one for emotional outbursts or anything of the like really, but he felt the sting behind his eyes and then his vision was swimming and for once he didn't care enough to hide it. 

He was here. He was home.

It had been years since he'd felt so together, so complete. He'd been miserable for so long, and the kids, well they'd helped there was no arguing that, but it had never been the same. No matter what he'd done, something always felt wrong. Missing.

After all these years, god, he could breathe again. 

The kids were staring at him with wide, confused eyes, and he was smiling and couldn't stop. Didn't want to stop. All the years, all the barely legal and illegal things, all the countless hours searching for clues, for traces of the missing journal. All the secrets and lies- they'd been worth it in the end. He saw the deep suspicion and hurt in Dipper's eyes, he knew it would take more than a flimsy explanation and a 'walk it off champ' to solve the underlying betrayal, but he just. Didn't care. Not right now.

His brother.... 

He'd get Dipper to understand, he'd make him see that all of this was necessary, everything he'd done, all the people he'd hurt. Dipper and Mabel were the closest siblings he'd ever seen, and Dipper had a protective streak in him the size of the entire state; if the positions had been reversed, there was no way Dipper would have sat it out and moved on. The kid was wily, sharp as a tack, and almost as stubborn as he himself was, to be honest. Dipper would find a way to get Mabel back if it took him his whole lifetime.  
He almost chuckled, and then fought off the urge to breakdown into tears. It almost had taken him his whole life, and who knows how much it had taken from-

The man in front of him was a stranger, he realized, in many ways. It had been over 30 years, and a lot had changed. There would be a gap between them, an irreparable rift that had never existed between the two of them before. They'd smooth most of it over, he was sure, in the same 'rough house, debate until your face turns blue, and kick some dirt in it' way he'd always handled things. Then again, he swallowed, looking up at the haggard and fierce man in front of him, he didn’t know what his brother had been through.  
Alternate dimensions weren't exactly an area of expertise for him. There was a cold, detached air about him that he'd never have associated with his brother before. He stood differently, more upright and all on the balls of his toes. His hands clenched and jaw clenched and everything was so tense about him as if he were ready to spring right back off for thirty more years and fight everything in his way. That wasn't him, that wasn't his goofy, nerd of a twerp twin. He'd been all clicking tongues and piling words and endless questions without answers. He was mumbles after breathes, staring through foggy windows, pants worn just a little too high; his brother wasn't dangerous. They'd always been the yin to each others yang, balancing things out perfectly between them. He recalled the two of them whispering secrets back and forth and staring wide eyed at the ceiling late at night trying to figure all the pieces together. They’d been best friends once upon a time, a lot like Mabel and Dipper.

Dipper reminded him an uncomfortable amount of a younger version of his brother, they had the same awkwardness, the same drive for something more. Which is why he could never look at the boy too long, why he always seemed distant. He felt a strange sense of guilt when he was around Dipper, it made him think of what was missing. It made the poor boy think he didn't love him the same as his sister, he was sure, and that was something he'd always feel ashamed of. Yet, he'd always look away when Dipper got that electrified look of excitement about a strange occurrence and couldn't bring himself to do anything differently. He denied the paranormal, pretended he didn't believe any of it in the slightest, played dumb and made it all some big joke, when truthfully all he'd ever wanted to do was face all of it head on and take his brother back from between pages and behind the shadows. He couldn't face the hopeful, young, unadulterated curiosity that tagged just slightly along behind Dipper, but he couldn't bring himself to make the boy shake it either. 

Mabel was more like he'd been as a kid, more focused on friends and happiness than secrets and clues. More than ready to help Dipper if need be, but content to live life as it was and not get caught up in the conspiracies and secrets. She was infinitely trusting, something that nearly broke his heart when he thought too much of it. 

She’d trusted him. A man who’d done nothing but lie to her and her brother, despite the logic Dipper had been desperately tried to get her to see, she’d trusted her ‘Grunkle Stan’. He could have been trying to destroy the world, heck, he was sure he’d destroyed most of Gravity Falls itself, he could have been lying through his teeth to her like he had before. Like he’d been doing for years. He used to be a lot like her, he'd just wanted to fit in, to find a girl and some friends and maybe get his brother out and about on the town once in a while. He'd seen the horrors of the woods himself, and he wanted to help, but he didn't buy into the paranoia as much as his brother did. He’d been so trusting and naïve and so, so very wrong. Mabel had done something similar, placing her trust and hope in a sham of a man, he was glad for her sake, that for once he’d been telling the truth. 

When they'd grown up, he and his brother had become grittier around the edges. Too many secrets, incidents that had nearly cost someone their life, too many friendships lost and unexplained absences. But the two of them had always stuck together, done everything side by side. They didn't exist without the 'and' between their names. But he'd wanted more. He remembered the night when things started to change, he'd been in high school, and had finally worked up the nerve to ask the prettiest girl in his homeroom to the movies. To his surprise and amazement, she'd said yes. He remembered being so nervous, and giddy, and telling his brother about it with a wild glee he hadn't felt in years. His brother had been happy for him, but there was a sadness in his eyes almost like disappointment, that stung him deeply. He couldn't shake it, but couldn't put his finger on why. Maybe he'd been tired, maybe he'd discovered something upsetting the day before, he didn't know. He'd never seen his brother look so... Hopeless. The time for his date came and it was all a blur after that, sweating and awkward, and Carla's smile slowly turning to an awkward grimace, and him panicking but unable to speak up. And then there was a mugger, and he'd stopped it, he'd punched the guy, and everyone was cheering. He remembered Carla's lips on his cheek, the feeling of liquid gold in his veins, and thinking that this would finally be his chance. A normal life, a girlfriend, friends, and popularity. He remembered believing for a split second that everything would work out okay.

Without his brother, he'd lost all of it. He'd lost himself, and become so afraid of everything that wasn't fists and scams and blatant lies all the time lying. They were one and two, his brother brought out the kindness in him, the hopeful side; without that he couldn't think beyond paranoia and schemes and secrets. All the things his brother warned him about, was trying to learn from, all of it piled up and he couldn't think beyond it.

His brother had always been the more compassionate one. The one not afraid to talk about fears and feelings the way he deeply was. That was probably why he'd made fun of him so much, his brother was brave in a different way, a way he couldn't ever bring himself to be and it frustrated him. Mabel and Dipper were better, they talked about feelings and solved their problems. Before it blew up in front of their eyes. He and his brother had been so close as kids, hunting wild creatures, making notes, taking on the world together. His brother was smart beyond his years, and with a curiosity that matched, he’d travelled all over finding mysteries. For a while, he’d tagged along, it seemed so exciting at first but years changed their friendship, and in subtle ways they started drifting apart. His brother never had the same innate need to be liked, he never got lost in the glitz and glory of fame or popularity. All he’d cared about was his research and unlocking what lay beyond the obvious. Looking back now he wanted nothing more than to redo all of it, but, hindsight as they say, is a son of a bitch.

"Why are you getting so upset? Jeeze, I didn't mean to spill that glass okay? It's not my fault you had your dumb nerd book right underneath. Who does that anyways? Place water precariously on an edge, you basically begged me to bump into it." 

"It's not funny, ugh, you almost wrecked it! We almost have the machine ready, and I was so close to-"

"Oh come on. Close to what? I told you it's not going to work, just like the last ten times you’ve tried.” He was angry, irrationally and uncontrollably, he didn't know why. That's how he lashed out, with his words like fists that always landed harder than he meant. He saw the flash of pain in his brother’s eyes and it sunk like lead in his chest, but he was too far gone. He'd always been protective of his brother, when kids poked fun at him or harassed him about his sixth finger, he'd chase them off with a stick. But things had been building up between them, unspoken, and he was just so bitter. There was a feeling like the snap of an elastic in his chest, and the words just kept pouring around them.

"Come on, we’re in a brand new town, brand new people and you’ve hardly talked to any of them! You don't even have any friends besides that assistant of yours. I'm tired of this, man. I'm tired of having to hide everything and never really knowing what’s going on and I'm tired of you getting upset at me for having a life outside of this weird stuff. You don't hear what everyone says about you, if you would just act normal for once in your life-" 

"Why? So I can fit in, be popular? It's probably hard for you isn't it, being twins with the weird, unnatural, book nerd? You probably would be better off without me, right? Then you wouldn't have anyone to hold you back!"

He'd been furious, his hands shook and his veins pulsed and god, he knew it was wrong he knew it, the second he thought it he knew it but-  
"Maybe I would be!" They'd slipped out anyways.  
The pause was almost unbearable, but he was nothing without his pride and he did not apologize or back down. Not today not ever. Not even to his brother. 

"You're just a coward," His brother whispered. There was truth in the way his eyes had shone, suspiciously reflective in the faint light of the lantern. "You can't handle people thinking you're weird too. You've seen what's out there but you'd pretend it doesn't exist just so things can be simple. You're a coward." The words were shaky, but they felt like daggers. It took him a long, long time to realize why. Sometimes reality was hard to swallow.

"At least I'm not a freak." He'd spat. Without making eye contact. Without apologizing. Like a real man his dad would say, except he'd never regretted any moment more in his life. He saw the way his brother had clenched his hand, and heard the sharp intake of breath, and there wasn't enough air in the room for the two of them, so he left. Pretending that the heat in his face and the shaking of his bones was just adrenaline, and the wet trail on his cheek was just rain from the cloudless sky. 

A few weeks later, everything had fallen apart. He'd gotten the machine together, with the help of an assistant, but it was wrong, and his brother had told him he could shut it down, that he could save everyone and it was all bright colours and flashing energy and then. He was gone.

He'd regretted all of it, for years living only in the shadow of his past, and hating himself so deeply some days he couldn’t stand it. He’d done everything in his power to right his wrongs, from searching for the other two journals, to writing his own notes here and there, to breaking codes and laws and limits blatantly in an attempt to piece the past together. It was almost funny in a hysterical way, that he'd gone from wanting to be loved to being the towns most hated man. His priorities lay in different places now, he didn't care who he stepped on, how many laws he shattered, none of it mattered anymore. Only his brother. But he wasn't brave, it was all selfish, all guilt.

Stan. Stanley was the brave one. 

He'd been the coward. He was always the coward, running from real danger, making money the easy way, acting unaffected because the reality of how much he'd done wrong scared him in a way that he couldn't handle. Stanley had never lost sight of who he really was, of what he needed to do, and who was important. He'd wanted to help the world, to save everyone from the dangers that lurked just out of sight. Stan had wanted both worlds to live in peace, and he was prepared to give up all he had just for the chance to make it a reality. In Stanley's quest for knowledge and answers he'd gotten in over his head with no way to come back home. 

The guilt was the worst part; he knew it wasn't him, that he hadn't been in control, but he'd made the deal. He'd been stupid and narrow minded and so bitter and everything slipped away so quickly. Bill Cipher was sneakier than either of them had anticipated, but ultimately, he'd been too dumb to look for fine print. Bill had trapped him and tricked Stanley and it all slipped right through his fingers.

"You can do that? Get rid of all of the monsters and magic and all of it?" Twitchy fingers, tapping shoes, and god, it was all lies and half truths but he was gullible.  
"Kid, I can do anything you want. For a price of course." He'd laughed and the sound of his own voice was foreign to his ears.  
"So, it's just temporary, right? You'll give it back?"  
"Absolutely, it's just for an hour. Need to stretch my legs a little, there's nothing quite like having a corporeal form."  
He'd smiled, all teeth bared like a shark. "Deal." 

He'd been stupid, he was young and too trusting, but he'd been stupid. Stan had told him that Bill was dangerous, that he shouldn't trust him even for a second. Instead, he'd trusted Bill for an hour. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

He'd just wanted things to be simple, to go back to the way things were before all of the secrets and the one way trust and the hidden truths. Before they'd started drifting apart. It was ironic, really. Normality and simplicity all for the price of his best friend and brother. And nothing was ever normal or right ever again.

But it was repaired now, it was fixed, and he had handled it. Or at least, well on its way. Sure, it had taken years to put everything together, to pull himself back together, but Stan would see how much he cared, how hard he'd worked. He’d see that he’d kept the carpet experiment; that they could switch back, finally. Have the right body to the right name and it would explain everything to the kids, all the fake identities and the lies, it was to protect his brother. Stanley would find it in him to forgive, because that's what Stanley did. Understand people better than anyone and forgive. 

Except Stanley wasn’t looking at him, wouldn’t look at him. Except Mabel was sending heartbroken looks at Dipper who had turned his back to her. Except, when the shock wore off and reality sunk into him like radiation, he felt like nothing had been fixed at all. His brother was still a million miles away, and the rest of his family was beginning to drifting apart. He’d never been one for emotional outbursts, but he felt a tear burning a single trail down his cheek anyways. 

History had a habit of repeating itself in the worst possible way.

**Author's Note:**

> I have a strange theory about how things will go down in this show, firstly that Bill was involved in the machine incident, and secondly that Stan isn't Stan because he got body swapped with his brother. There's probably a lot of holes in my theory mainly because I have no idea which one of them is a father, or maybe they had a sister who had kids and that's where the relation to Mabel and Dipper comes from? Not too sure. Anyways, I'm excited to see how things do play out, Hirsch certainly has a way of keeping everyone on their toes.


End file.
